Taming Fear

a Little Word with a BIG VOICE

Fear binds us up and shuts us down in a split second. It blinds us! I think perhaps fear causes more stress in our lives than just about anything else we could name.

Fear is that nattering voice inside our head that says, “You can’t. You shouldn’t. What if . . .?

Fear is a flight or fight emotion that keeps us from taking risks which could enrich our life. It holds us back from doing things that we need to do. Experience new and exciting vistas? Accomplish something really great? “Not on your life!” Fear is unreasonable and all controlling. It cannot be silenced with reason.


Fear talks to people; when they listen, here are some examples of what can happen:

  • Fear says: “People are watching and judging your every move.”

    Sheila loved to dance, yet she wouldn’t go out on the dance floor with her fiance because she thought she’d look clumsy and ridiculous.

  • Fear says: “The boss might get upset.”

    Arnie knew he deserved a raise, yet he was so nervous about approaching his boss,he never asked for one. When you do not ask, you only deserve what is left over.

  • Fear says: “Bears are dangerous and they live in forests.”

    Delia’s fear of bears was so intense that she wouldn’t go on camping trips with her friends, even though they weren’t going anywhere near bear territory!

A Little Fear is a Good Thing

This isn’t to say that all fear is bad. At its best, it is an instinctive, natural ability to help us survive this 3 dimensional world. Without fear we might attempt to stroll across a freeway, or scratch behind a lion’s ear without first getting permission from said lion.

However, given the upper hand, fear can and will dominate our life and make even the innocuous — talking a walk or answering the phone, a daunting experience.
Ninety-nine percent of what we fear never happens. “There’s a voice inside our heads that’s always heralding gloom and doom, even before we get started with something.” Susan Jeffers, Ph.D., psychologist and author of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.

On its own, fear won’t disappear. Until we change the programming, that old tape will just keep looping and we avoid people and situations which our subconscious minds have labeled as scary. Following are some strategies that may help you deal with fears which block you from living your magnificent life.

Suggestions to Help You Overcome the Fear That,
Up Until Now, Has Stopped You

    • Get Information

      In an information void, fear clicks in to do what it thinks is its job – protect you! When you find out about what scares you, you replace fear with knowledge. And with knowledge comes the empowerment to move through the fear.

    • Learn How To Do It

      If there’s something you’d like to do – such as dancing – and you’re afraid to try, take lessons. We are not born knowing how to do much of anything except scream. You learned to crawl and walk and run and jump and talk. You can probably learn how to do “this” as well.

    • Find Models

      Let someone who is not afraid of whatever scares you model courage for you. Just as fearful behavior breeds jitters, courageous behavior invites confidence.

    • Talk About Your Fears

      Keeping your fears bottled up inside only magnifies them. Bringing them out into the light can shrink them and put them into perspective. Find a good listener who won’t judge you and make light of your fears.

    • Talk TO Yourself

      Self-talk filled with positive messages can change fear energy into positive energy. Eliminate the downer words from your vocabulary and stop “shoulding” all over yourself. Downer words: should, could, would; shoulda, coulda, woulda; can’t, shouldn’t, ought to, have to, need to. These are show stoppers that bind us up tighter than a well-wrapped drum.

    • Use Your Imagination

      Before you arrive at the party, or any other place that brings up fear, imagine the other guests are as frightened as you are. Or see your audience as people who really love you and want to hear the information you have to share. Visualize yourself doing what you are afraid to do; see yourself as graceful, strong, capable and confident.

    • Focus on the Little Things

      Keep your mind on the details, not on the BIG PICTURE. Complete the report word by word, pay the bills one by one, learn to dance one step at a time, see the group as individuals.

    • Expand Your Comfort Zone

      Take small risks each day. Make a phone call, ask for one thing you want, go to one new place. Do one thing that scares you. If you are afraid of failing, do something you could fail at, and be ok if you DO fail. Little by little your confidence will expand, too.

    • Relax and Breathe

      Sometimes, the physical response to fear creates even more fear. When we fear, we have a tendency to hold our breath. When we hold our breath, the fear gets stuck in our body and then expands into wild and vivid evidence. Physically relax your body and slowly breathe in and out to clear the tension.

    • Essential Oils May Help

      Some good essential oils for anxiety are: Lavender, Rose, Vetiver, Ylang Ylang, Bergamont, Chamomile, Frankincense. Some good essential oils to increase your natural confidence are: Cypress, Fennel, Ginger, Grapefruit, Jasmine, Orange, Pine. When choosing oils, be sure you are getting pure, natural therapeutic grade oils from reliable sources.

    Ask For Help

    If your fears are pervasive or severe, you may be suffering from an anxiety disorder, in which case you should definitely seek help. If your fears are not debilitating, yet still get in the way of doing what you need or want to do, asking for help and guidance from a skilled coach can make all the difference. He or She can help you find the true source cause of those fears that no longer serve your highest good and help you to let them go in such a way that you are empowered to live your life to the fullest.

    If you are ready to let go those shadows and move into the light; if you are ready to hire a coach who can get you from where you are to where you want to go, please contact Sybil for an appointment.

    “Nothing in Life is to be feared.
    Everything is to be understood
    . ~Marie Curie


Comments are closed.