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Closure to Past Relationships

I woke up with a start. The Voice said,

It is necessary to let go ALL of a relationship.”

Feeling a little discombobulated and sleep drugged, I said, “HUH?” What? What about letting go?”

Again I heard,

Let it all go. When people move out of a relationship, it is imperative they let go, cancel and clear all vows, agreements, contracts, commitments, etc.

“What? Explain.” As I turned on the light and scrabbled for pen and notebook and began writing furiously.

When two people come together into a relationship – whether it be marriage, friends, lovers or business – they make agreements, commitments, contracts, vows and expectations one to the other. When they move on from the relationship, they carry with them all those old agreements, through life, and into the next relationship. Then the next relationship of that type suffers because those old, uncleared commitments are carried forward.”

UntilYouHealTheWoundsStill half asleep, and thinking this information is directed at me personally, I responded, “But I have cleared all connection to all previous relationships.”

Have you?”

“YES I HAVE!” I declared with emphatic certainty.

A face and name immediately came to mind, and I burst into tears. I thought I had long sense forgotten that individual.


OK. I get the picture. Details. Please.

The time has now come and all must understand. In order to leave a relationship completely, one must clear all old commitments, one at a time, so as to be clear and truly available to a new relationship or to be peace in the world and with Self. Your world NEEDS you to be peace at this time in your evolution.

This is everyone, not just the Sybil. When people come together into a relationship – whether that be friends, lovers, marriage or business – they each make vows, commitments, contracts, agreements, etc. one to the other, and they develop expectations, both spoken and unspoken. When that relationship ends, whatever the reason, people don’t understand the need, no, the requirement, to cancel all those past agreements in order to be clear and truly free to move into a new relationship.

For instance, traditional wedding vows state a list of items that each promise to the other and most end with some version of
“. . . let no man or woman put apart what God hath joined together, until death do us part.”
Although many people choose to break those vows, and although many get divorced, they do not cancel the vows. Divorce only cancels the man-made legal agreements, not the spiritual agreements that were made at the same time. As the spiritual agreements are not cancelled, people carry those old vows into the next relationship, and expect the new love to live up to the old vows because if the vows were not canceled, they (the vows) are still LIVING in the auric field of both people. Thus people continue to end up in the same relationship over and over again, …. new face, same old story. Over and over. Round and round. Lifetime after lifetime.

WOW! No wander we all feel so heavy and out of sorts. Why happiness is so elusive for so many of us. Who knew we were still carrying the energy of that first broken heart, or school yard bully with us 40, 50 or even 60 years later?!?

Not only do people carry the baggage of old, uncancelled, vows into all future relationships, many also unconsciously take on guilt as well. Guilt of failure of the relationship; guilt the kids won’t have the other parent around to watch them grow up; and guilt that what God joined together, *I* have broken apart.

Guilt is a very heavy type of baggage to be carrying around for the rest of life. Or even eternity. Guilt not cleared in this lifetime, will show up next time around. Clear it now, and be done with it.

If You Are Just “Done” With Repeating Relationship Cycles, Use the Guidance Provided Below.

In addition to the marriage vows of couples, there are additional connections, spoken and unspoken, that are agreed upon between the couple, all of which must be cleared to move forward, free of past obligations..

Example 1: The husband drops children off at school because he goes to work early and school is on the way. Mom drops baby at day care and picks everyone up in the afternoon, as her work hours permit this. This is a long-standing, accepted agreement between the two. Then the two get divorced and it is Dad’s week with the kids, and he forgets to pick up after school. With Mom, they are always late, or just barely on time.
Reason: These two have not let go and cleared that long standing agreement from when they were together. As they have not cleared that old agreement, neither now takes full responsibility for that which the other was previously responsible. I have noticed Life is strange that way.

Example 2: You have an agreement that one cooks and one cleans up after. When you separate, one is always wondering what is for dinner, while the other is always wondering why the dishes aren’t cleaned up after dinner.

These may seem like somewhat silly examples, and yet there are many people nodding their heads because it fits them. When you do clearings about expectations in regards to responsibilities, remember to *take* that responsibility unto your own self.

Which Agreements Need to be Cleared?

This clearing process also applies to business, friends, family — every relationship that you have ever been in, and has ended. If that relationship ends, whether through death, divorce or because there is no longer a fit, you must cancel and clear all those agreements so you can move on into future relationships with a clean slate. In case of death, some written and legal contracts may be dissolved. However, there are many other agreements that you had which are not absolved by death, such as the wedding vows, as well as the dishes and children in the examples above. Those still have to be cleared before the one left behind can move on into a new relationship, clear of old commitments and expectations, and so that you can take full responsibility for your own life.

How to Clear Old Commitments

So? How do we clear these commitments? Many of which we are doing pretty much by rote, unconsciously?

First, get a notebook in which you can write down all these commitments that you have made to the one that you are no longer in relationship with.

If you have been married and divorced, start with the wedding vows. If you wrote your own vows, then get a copy of them, and clear each line, one at a time. If you used traditional vows from your religion, then get a copy of those statements, and again, clear each and every vow. As you work with the clearings, you may find that a whole list collapses all at once. This is good. Check with your own knowing to determine whether the entire list is cleared, or whether there is more work to do on any single vow.

If lovers with no wedding vows, you still have many commitments, one to the other, that you will drag along into the next relationship unless you cancel and clear them.

I lived with someone for 20 years. We had joint checking accounts, filed joint taxes, etc. Even though we said no formal vows, nor signed a marriage license, we still had agreements with each other that had to be cleared when we split up.

If a friend or business, start with why you no longer fit. Write down, as clearly as you can, what it was that caused the split. Start there. Clear each vow, agreement, commitment, contract, etc. as it comes up.

You may not be able to clear all at once. As more clear, more will come up to be cleared. Just be patient with yourself. The agreements were not all made in a day, and as was previously stated, some are unconscious and thus it is unlikely you can clear all connections to any relationship in a single day. Also, your physical body and subconscious and conscious mind needs time to process the clearing. I simply cannot express strongly enough the need to be patient with Self in doing this clearing work. Patience is an essential component in working with your self.

As you think about these old agreements, step outside your physical body and have a look at it. You will probably see chords – strings of light of varying colors from white to black and the whole range in between – coming from your body. They are connecting you, via the uncleared commitments, to the one with whom you are no longer in relationship.

To clear:
State that you want to be shown which cord is the one for the — (name the connection that is up for clearing now). Be precise in naming the commitment you are clearing. There may be more than one with a similar name, and yet each one carries a slightly different energy. You want to clear each one specifically so as to make sure you are clear of all commitments to this one with whom you are no longer in relationship. It is important that you make your clearing statements in the positive sense.

Clearing example 1:

If you feel wronged in the relationship and the parting was not your first choice, your clearing words could go along the lines of:
I love you. I Loved you with all my heart. You have chosen to part and for that I feel very sad. I forgive you so that I may gain peace. I can no longer carry this vow of ___ and I now let go and clear my vow to you, and I now set you free of your vow to me. We are both free of this vow of ___, one to the other, now and forever more. I send all your energy back to you, and I pull all my energy back to me through the Time / Space Continuum, fully educated with all the love, knowledge and wisdom that I have gained through all lifetimes, dimensions, universities and realities. This connection is hereby severed. Permanently – through all dimensions, time lines, realities and universes. I declare it so, and so it is.
Note: Bringing your energy home through the Time / Space Continuum and declaring it is fully educated helps the energy that was “left behind” to catch up to your current level of evolution, thus you can skip repeating life lessons!

Clearing example 2:

If you were the one who initiated the parting, then you may wish to clear with words along this line:
I loved you when we met, and now I don’t love you in that way anymore. I apologize for all pain I may have caused you. I hope someday, for your sake, you can forgive me. I forgive you. I forgive my self. As we are no longer in relationship, I hereby choose to clear the vow of ___. I clear and let go my vow to you, and I now set you free of your vow to me. We are both free of this vow, one to the other, now and forever more. I send all your energy back to you, and I pull all my energy back to me. This connection is hereby severed. Permanently. Through all dimensions, time lines, realities and universes. I declare it so, and so it is.

Clearing example 3 (using the previous example of children:

In the case of death, and using the example of responsibilities above, you may use a statement such as:
“We had this agreement (name the agreement) when you were here, now that you are gone, not of your own doing, I now clear you of all responsibility for dropping the children off at school. From this day forward, I take full responsibility for getting the children to school on time, and for making sure they are picked up at the end of the day. You are cleared of this responsibility from this day forward, now and forever. I declare that I am now fully responsible for the children. For picking up. Dropping off. And everything associated with them, from now until they are old enough to be self-responsible. I declare it and it is so.”


Once you have gathered all your energy from other, and brought it home through the TSC, then you will want to reintegrate it into your wholeness.
Bring it in through the back of your heart chakra, and do a “running energy” exercise. Send the energy down the spine (back channel) down to the perineum, around and up the front channel back to the heart. Fill your heart up with your own beautiful energy. Once your heart feels full, then send the energy up over the crown and down the back again. Run the circuit 3 times.

On the 4th time down the back, and around to the front, stop and the hips, split the energy and run it down the legs to the soul star. Leave it running. From the hips, run the energy up to the heart. Fill it up. Feeling all the love for you. Fill yourself up with your energy and love.
Take the energy up to the shoulders and split the energy and send it down each arm to the hands. Turn your hands up and open in the receiving position. Fell the chakras in the middle of the palm open. Flow the energy into the hands, up through the chakras up and over your aura. Filling your entire field with your own energy.

Once you feel all filled up, bring your hands up over your heart and reconnect to your heart mind.

Say I love you. I’m so sorry I left you behind. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. Welcome home. Welcome Home. Feel the love and the welcome. When you feel all filled up with you, and a sense of calm, you can return to this present NOW moment.

If you asked Observer to step outside to help with the cord removal, be certain to reintegrate her back into your wholeness.

NOTE: If the parting is due to circumstances other than death, you would use the same type of words about taking responsibility for dropping off and picking up the children, just leave out the phrase ‘not of your own choosing’.

Whether you feel the wronged party, or the initiator of the split, it is important you do this for each line of your wedding vows. And for every agreement that you had, above and beyond the vows. By stating that you are both cleared of a connection, you are being kind and clearing BOTH of you of this unwanted connection. Some may find, once the old unwanted connections are cleared, that the other contacts you, and after many years of being upset with each other, you suddenly realize that you can at least be civil, if not actually friendly, toward each other. Some will find when the other was harassing about something, they suddenly stop and just fade away.

As you are clearing connections, use the word that comes up to describe the type of connection. Vow. Commitment. Agreement. Contract. Expectation. Etc. Let go and clear each one of these connections, as they come to consciousness.

What I did in working through my own commitments, was that I gently took hold of the associated cord, and gave it a gentle tug. This tells that cord it is time to let go. As I began the clearing statement, I felt the cord loosen, and as I made the final declaration, the cord came fully out, and as I let it go, I had the clear intention that this energy went into the vortex, where it was discharged (the charge taken off it) transmuted and reabsorbed back to source Light as positive energy. I saw the cord curl up, swirl around, burst into white light and disappear from view. This was the same with every connection I cleared.

You can use EFT tapping, chakra balancing, cord *removal, Reiki, Body Code, BioEnergetic Clearing, or whatever other system works for you. However, I have found that the simple statements of intent as provided above was quite sufficient for clearing all those old commitments.

How Do You Know They Are Gone?

When you think about that connection to that specific person, you will no longer feel any kind of charge to it. i.e. You won’t feel anger, frustration or anything else. Your feelings toward what used to be upsetting will now be neutral. You will also not see that cord. Check with the system that you use to get validation for any questions you may have. Personally, I use a pendulum to confirm the connections are cleared. I’ve used the pendulum, so I just expect that the answer I get is correct, for me.

If you have been married multiple times, you will need to clear each vow and commitment to each individual. I understand for some of you, this endeavor may be quite time consuming. 😉 Do it you must, if peace you will obtain.

NOTE: My previous clearings was for the persons with whom I no longer wanted to be in relationship. Sure, I cleared that one out of my mind, to such an extent that I could no longer remember the name. However, as I did not clear the vows and commitments to ANY of them, they were all still hanging around in my field. DARN! No wonder I felt so heavy all the time! So, now I’m working on clearing the vows and commitments, too. My life is feeling much lighter every day.

Until Death Do Us Part.

Someone asked about the “until death do us part” statement of the wedding vows. Like everyone else, I just presumed that if one of the partners died, the vows were automatically canceled. That is what the statement seems to mean, right? So, I asked.

The response was: “There is no death. The ‘until death do us part’ is a man-made construct. Made with good intention, and yet it still has devastating, long-term effect on the one left behind.”

OH! SHEESH! I knew that – no death. That puts a whole new light on relationships that end in one of the partners transitioning from the physical reality. The one left behind will want to clear those old vows before going into relationship with a new partner.

If your partner has transitioned from this physical life, go ahead and cancel the vows. See how much less pain you feel when you think about them. Canceling the vows does not mean you don’t miss them, nor that you don’t love them and won’t think about them any more. It means that you are clear of the bonds and can get on with living, instead of dying with them.

Do I Need to See or Tell the Person?

Short answer – “NO!”

This work is for YOUR own healing and peace of mind. At no point in any of this clearing work do you need to be physically face to face with an individual to affect a healing / clearing, nor do you need to tell them. You are doing this alone, in a group or with a coach, rarely with the Other present in your immediate space. So the fact that someone has transitioned out of physical reality doesn’t stop you from clearing all the residual energy of that relationship.

After the Clearing

After you have cleared all the energy that you no longer wish to carry in your space, you will want to fill yourself up with your own energy. All that you could not be, do, or have due to being filled up with all that baggage.

  • True, unconditional love.
  • Loving, supporting relationships.
  • Vibrant health and well-being.
  • Anything else that felt missing from you life.

This is an important last step after each clearing session. Nature won’t stand for a void. If you don’t fill that space with what you desire, Nature will automatically fill it back up with weeds!

Clearing and letting go of all the “left behind baggage” is how you move into a state of internal peace and happiness. It is how you, once and for all, bring full and complete closure to all those past relationships that keep on interfering with your present and future happiness.
Originally published in November 2017. Updated with new information and republished October 2020.
Sometimes, it is difficult for us to do these clearings on our own. If you feel it would be beneficial to work with a coach for more complete clearing, please contact me to set up a session:

Practitioners: As you work with clients, please feel free to adapt this information to your own practice. It is for all of us to use this information in our daily work to help our clients become completely clear of all old connections, so that we may all move back to peace and live fully in the Present Now Moment.


Allow Yourself Time to Heal

An FB friend wrote:

Pain, both physical and emotional, has made me more humble and sensitive. I was always a very sensitive person, however, for years I numbed it in various ways, preferring a Mute button to reality. Now, I am sober and alone. I am free from the chains of bad situations and toxic people. I tend to prefer isolation to interactions, because it feels safer for me. Right now I feel very much like an exposed nerve….a hapless little crab without my shell. This group is full of strong and beautiful women. I read the posts daily, and want to express my gratitude. I am hoping that one day I will feel as strong as many of you feel.

I feel perhaps many women, at this time in our collective “herstory”, are in that space of her life path. The space of exiting the pain, and learning to live, free of chains that bind, and toxic people and situations. That post triggered the following response. My hope is that this article will support women in growing a new type of shell, and learning to really take up ALL their space on the planet, living from ease and grace, with loving kindness and heart-felt love for all.

Dear Survivor,

Give yourself the alone time you need to heal. I REMEMBER that feeling, verbalized so clearly in the message above.
Give yourself time to heal.
Know that those of us who present a strong front, didn’t get there sitting in front of a fireplace, drinking champagne, congratulating ourselves for our accomplishments.

MOST of us got there by running THROUGH the fire while wearing kerosene-soaked underpants. And when we finally found ourselves on the other side, we were like you — feeling shattered, and alone, and vulnerable and bare naked — a crab without a shell or a rock to hide under. NEEDING to be alone.

A Million Pieces

Running through the fire taught us empathy and compassion. Taught us to stand in our strength. To stand FOR what we believe in. To stand for what’s good and right. To stand our ground. To take up our full space on the planet. To be loving, kind and gentle, while being strong and standing our ground. We also learned how to adapt to change with a little more ease and grace. When we learn something new that contradicts everything we thought we knew before, we learned to go with it, and allow ourselves to be changed by the new learning, if it was for us to do so. That includes letting go what no longer (or perhaps never did) serves our highest good. All of which we only came to understand after we had been outside the flames for awhile.

While running through the flames, we also learned what we DO NOT want in our lives. We may not know exactly what we DO want, we know what we don’t, and furthermore, most of us learned how to not get thrown back into the fire.

As we began to heal from our time in the fire, we came to understand some more important life lessons, that were not clear to us immediately upon exiting the fire. —-

  • We learned that we are not a messiah and we can save no one but ourselves.
  • We also learned that we can’t change, or heal, anyone but ourselves.
  • We learned that our story is valuable to support others in finding their own way.
  • We learned to stand strong, while being kind and gentle, with empathy and compassion.
  • We learned that we can’t change or heal anyone, other than ourselves – louder for those still in the flames!
  • We learned that, at some point, EVERYONE has to go through the shadow of the valley of death themselves (i.e. the dark night of the soul). Does not mean they have to do it alone. We, who have already run the gauntlet, can be there, at the edge, reaching out, holding hand, supporting, offering encouragement as needed and requested.
  • We also learned that often our loving support can help others to get through the fire sooner, and with more ease and grace, than what we, ourselves, were able to accomplish.
  • We came to understand that supporting others through it, also deepens our own healing.
  • Supporting others through the flame becomes the life mission of many who have gone before.
  • After exiting the fire, many women go through a time of self blame — “I SHOULD’VE known better.” We learn self forgiveness and to stop killing ourselves with coulda, shoulda, woulda.
  • We learn that healing is not an overnight process, and just about the time we think we have healed, some event shows us there is more depth to plumb.

The most important thing *I* learned from my time in the fire is: I can support others unconditionally, allow them to have their experience, and to not judge the experience. I can be there to reach out, lift up and support without judgment of their path. I also learned that as I support others, I open my own wounds for deeper healing. And I can support others, even while I’m “going through it” myself.

The second thing I learned is that the new shell I grew, which helps me move through the world as a strong woman, is not, and will never be, as dense and thick, hard, and all encompassing as the one I had before I fell into the flames. This new shell is thinner. Leaves me feeling MORE. Leaves me more vulnerable. It also leaves me free to live life in a more magical way – FROM love. It also is where I get the empathy and compassion to support others who are going through the flame, now. Without the time in the flames, I think I would not have the compassion and real-world understanding to support others at the depth I’m able to do now.

AND . . . I DID NOT (at a conscious level) KNOW all that about myself, until that post triggered me to start writing! The writing actually triggered in me the memory of the pain and fear of running the gauntlet of the flames, the exit day, and the rawness of the feeling of being in a million pieces, with no place to hide, for quite a long time after exit. The post, and writing this article, reminded that I very much needed a great deal of alone time to heal.

The post also triggered the memory of the ah-hah moments as each of those insights about my path and myself surfaced. Although I live those insights – they are just part of me, like breathing, I had forgotten the actual insights themselves and the power the “ah-hah” originally had on me. THANK YOU, dear soul sister, for the reminder!

I wish for you, the reader, love and forgiveness of self. Forgive everything and everyone. I wish for you deep soul healing. I wish for you enough-ness. I wish for you learning to walk in your own strength and power, with ease and grace, while always being gentle and kind to all. I wish for you all-encompassing peace. I wish for you a joy-filled life of love and happiness.

I wish for you the clear knowing that:
YOU are the one you have been waiting for!

My mantra – Forgive everything. Forgive everyone, including yourself. Let God sort it out.

Look into the mirror and say to the person you see there:
“I’m sorry.”
“Please forgive me.”
“As I also forgive you.”
“As I forgive myself.”
“As I forgives My Self.”
“Thank you.”
“I love you.”
This is THE BEST way I have found for dissolving the prison walls I created around myself, due to being unable / unwilling to forgive. Saying this a couple times a day simply allowed the healing to get in.

P.S. Many of us have learned that The Gauntlet was an initiation into the wholeness of ourselves and have accepted that being forced to run it or die, was maybe the best thing that could have happened to us!

LOL! THAT is an insight that probably only comes after a long while on the OTHER side of The Gauntlet!

If you have reached the point in your life where you are ready to step out of the flames, contact me. Perhaps I can take your hand and guide you out of the flames with ease and grace.

Forgive Others – For Your Own Peace of Mind

Definition of Forgive

  • to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something you perceive as wrong)
  • to stop blaming (people, places or circumstances)
  • to stop feeling anger about (something)
  • to let go of feeling wronged by someone
  • to stop requiring payment of (money that is owed)

Forgiving to Know More Peace

These thoughts of resentment, anger, and hatred represent slow, debilitating energies that will dis-empower you if you continue to let these thoughts occupy space in your head. If you could just let those thoughts go, you would know more peace.

Your past history and all of your hurts are no longer here in your physical reality. Don’t allow them to be here in your mind, muddying your present moments. Your life is like a play with several acts. Some of the characters who enter have short roles to play, others, much larger. Some are villains and others are good guys. Yet all of them are necessary, otherwise they wouldn’t be in the play. Embrace them all, love them all, forgive them all, and move on to the next act.

You can download and print instructions for the Forgiveness Pocess here.

Holding a Grudge

When someone has wronged you, forgiveness may be the last thing on your mind. You’re convinced they deserve all the anger and hostility you can muster. However, forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. Does your anger harm the other person? In most cases, the other person just stays away.

Holding a grudge is like punching yourself in the face and expecting the other person to say, “Ouch!”

It’s not what the other person did to us that causes the discord,
it’s our thoughts about their behavior that causes distress
and we can change that!
~Abraham Hicks

Forgiveness – the Logical Choice

Forgiveness is the healthy and logical choice for several reasons:

  1. Living in the past steals your present and taints your future. A great future requires an attentive present. That’s not possible if you’re living in the past. Life is happening right now in this moment. Every moment spent in the past is lost forever. Reclaim your life by forgiving and moving on.
  2. Failing to forgive creates misery. Creating and maintaining detrimental thoughts doesn’t feel good. Pleasant thoughts support a pleasant mood. By refusing to forgive the person that wronged you, you’re harming yourself.
  3. Clean up how you respond / react / feel about others.
    Let go those heavy feelings and judgments,
    so you are not using others
    as an excuse to block your alignment.

  4. You’ll be stronger. Forgiveness can be challenging! Staying angry is easy in a certain way. Show yourself just how strong you are. Take a deep breath and forgive. It becomes easier with time.
    As an added bonus, the more forgiving you are, the more others are willing to forgive you!
  5. The past cannot be changed, however your attitude can be. What is the purpose of your anger? If you stay angry for the next ten years, what have you accomplished? Nothing you do today can change what happened yesterday. Change your attitude as quickly as possible and smile again. Stuffed and held anger causes your stress and makes you ill.
  6. They’ll be back sooner or later. Whether you forgive them or not, they’re sure to pop back into your life in the future. In most cases, they’ll act as if nothing ever happened. However, your resentment will make you feel bad all over again if you’re still holding a grudge.
    The sooner you forgive, the sooner you can put the matter to bed; the sooner it will stop causing you to feel anxious, angry and restless.
  7. All humans make mistakes. We’ve all done or said things we later regret. You can’t expect to be forgiven if you’re unwilling to forgive. Living a perfect life and making perfect choices isn’t possible. Mistakes happen — it’s called being human.
  8. Forgiveness may be the best form of revenge. If someone upset you, it’s possible it was intentional. While you might feel the need to strike back, forgiveness is the best policy. Show them you’re enjoying bigger and better things. Living a happy life is the best revenge!
  9. Your health will improve. Happiness and peacefulness undoubtedly support good health and longevity. Live a long and wonderful life. Be forgiving. The Mayo Clinic states that forgiveness can lead to:
    • Healthier relationships
    • Lower blood pressure
    • Stronger immune system
    • Improved heart health
    • Higher self-esteem

    Go ahead, gift yourself with forgiveness, so that you can live healthier.

  10. Forgiveness is fast. Time may heal all wounds, however it can take a long time. Forgiveness is instantaneous. There’s no faster way to enhance your mood than the simple act of forgiveness. Forgiveness is fast, effective, and free. Take advantage of it.

Forgiveness is Self-serving.

Forgiveness is something you do for yourself, because the alternative is harmful to your health, happiness, and future. Be good to yourself. The fact that you’re letting the other person off the hook is secondary. Forgiveness is necessary. Forgetting is optional, depending on the situation.

Self Forgiveness is Mandatory

Remember, when you forgive, include yourself. Forgiveness of self for your participation in anything that others may have perceived as causing them harm is mandatory for your own peace of mind. For your health. For your very life!

Mahatma Gandhi said,
“The weak can never forgive.
Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.”

Forgiveness is for the Strong

Forgive others whether or not they request it; whether or not they apologize. Demanding or expecting an apology, as a condition of your forgiveness, is just setting yourself up for more pain.

Forgiveness requires real strength. The fastest way to heal any transgression against you is forgiveness. Remember that forgiveness doesn’t always mean that you give the other person a second chance. It means that you’re not willing to suffer any longer. It means that you no longer allow the one you perceived as having harmed you to live rent free in your mind.

The Prison Warden

I have met the prison warden.
The name is Unforgiving.
Unforgiveness builds a prison
of our own making.
Forgiveness dissolves those prison walls.
and live free!

How to forgive?

Recognize there is an issue to resolve and that you have a part in creating this issue. It is an issue from YOUR perspective. It may not even be an issue from the other view point. By taking responsibility for how you choose to respond to anything or anyone, you’re aligning yourself with the beautiful dance of life. Change the way you choose to perceive the power that others have over you and you will see a bright new world of unlimited potential for yourself and you will know instantly how to forgive and let go of anything.

For me, the fastest way I have found to forgiveness is the Hawaiian Ho’oponopono Process: Please forgive me, I forgive you, I forgive me, thank you, I love you. This works very fast for me. While saying the words, I gently tap the outside edge of my hand on what is known as the Karate Chop point. This seems to speed up the clearing.

Click the link to download and print an article describing the entire Forgiveness Process. Please feel free to save to your computer and or print the PDF so that you will always have access to it when you feel the need.

‘TRY’ is Detrimental to Your Success

Word-Crafting as Alchemy

Third article in the series.

Try is detrimental to your success

by Sybil Watts


“There is no try. Only do, or do not.” ~ Yoda

Try‘ is insidious. It permeates our language, and thus our life with inertia. Have you ever noticed how the harder you try to do something, the farther away success of that task seems to move?

And yet we have all heard the old adage:
“If at first your don’t succeed, try harder.”
“Keep on trying until you succeed.”

I suggest that the reason you did not succeed in the first place is because you ‘tried’ too hard. When someone says they will try to do something, they are telling you they are not committed.

When you say you will “try” you are setting yourself up for failure – for no success.

Try is basically a state of inertia. When one tries, no matter how hard, they never accomplish what they set out to do. It is only when one stops “trying” and starts doing that they reach success.

When you are “trying” to do something, and find yourself unable to complete the project, perhaps it is time to stop trying, back up, and take another look at the project. What are you doing? What is not working? What is working? How can you do this part of the project differently so as to obtain different results. Then go forward again. If that doesn’t work, then once again, look at what didn’t work and change that. Continue to make small tweaks in your project until you finally find something that works. Do more of *that*.


Do this experiment:

Hold a pencil, or any other easily held object, lightly between you thumb and forefinger. Exert only as much pressure as it takes to keep the object suspended there in mid-air. Now, tell yourself, “Try to let it go. ” After a couple seconds say “Try harder.” Just keep telling yourself to “Try. Try harder. Try more.” As long as you “try” the object will feel like it is glued to your fingers, and your fingers feel frozen in place. No matter how hard you try, you cannot move your fingers apart to allow the object to fall.

After 10 to 20 seconds of trying (when you realize that you truly can’t let go because you are trying so hard) just take a breath and say, “Let it go.” BOOM! The object suddenly releases from your hand. This is exactly how trying works. To reach your goals, you must stop trying and start being and doing.

The Great Tragedy is that we get tired of failure and just give up.



Personally, I have put a lot of intention into removing “try” from my vocabulary. I don’t even try on clothes any more. I put something on, if it doesn’t fit, or I don’t like it, I take it off. There is no try.

As I said in the beginning, try is insidious – it permeates our language and keeps us from accomplishing our heart’s desire. This is a word that creates a state of inertia — the inability to do what it is we want to do or achieve. It is only when we stop trying and start being and doing that we can actually obtain success at our endeavors.

Here are some words and phrases with which to replace “try”:

attempt; work; strive; effort; go after; rethink and do it again; endeavor; have a go at; check it out; seek; consider; examine; investigate; undertake; exert yourself; experiment with.

These are all action / doing words that will get you on the track to success.


The Effort Will be Worth It!

I’m not saying that removing “try” from your daily speaking will be easy, I am saying that the effort and focused awareness to do so will be worth it.


Sybil Watts is a Life Optimization and Transformational Coach and Wordsmith. She guides people to let go of old habits and actions that no longer serve their highest good and supports them in living their optimal life. Go to the Appointments Page if you are ready to clear those old shadows that are stopping you from living the life of your dreams.


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