- to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something you perceive as wrong)
- to stop blaming (people, places or circumstances)
- to stop feeling anger about (something)
- to let go of feeling wronged by someone
- to stop requiring payment of (money that is owed)
Forgiving to Know More Peace
These thoughts of resentment, anger, and hatred represent slow, debilitating energies that will dis-empower you if you continue to let these thoughts occupy space in your head. If you could just let those thoughts go, you would know more peace.
Your past history and all of your hurts are no longer here in your physical reality. Don’t allow them to be here in your mind, muddying your present moments. Your life is like a play with several acts. Some of the characters who enter have short roles to play, others, much larger. Some are villains and others are good guys. Yet all of them are necessary, otherwise they wouldn’t be in the play. Embrace them all, love them all, forgive them all, and move on to the next act.
You can download and print instructions for the Forgiveness Pocess here.
When someone has wronged you, forgiveness may be the last thing on your mind. You’re convinced they deserve all the anger and hostility you can muster. However, forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. Does your anger harm the other person? In most cases, the other person just stays away.
Holding a grudge is like punching yourself in the face and expecting the other person to say, “Ouch!”
It’s not what the other person did to us that causes the discord,
it’s our thoughts about their behavior that causes distress
and we can change that!
Forgiveness – the Logical Choice
Forgiveness is the healthy and logical choice for several reasons:
- Living in the past steals your present and taints your future. A great future requires an attentive present. That’s not possible if you’re living in the past. Life is happening right now in this moment. Every moment spent in the past is lost forever. Reclaim your life by forgiving and moving on.
- Failing to forgive creates misery. Creating and maintaining detrimental thoughts doesn’t feel good. Pleasant thoughts support a pleasant mood. By refusing to forgive the person that wronged you, you’re harming yourself.
- You’ll be stronger. Forgiveness can be challenging! Staying angry is easy in a certain way. Show yourself just how strong you are. Take a deep breath and forgive. It becomes easier with time.
As an added bonus, the more forgiving you are, the more others are willing to forgive you!
- The past cannot be changed, however your attitude can be. What is the purpose of your anger? If you stay angry for the next ten years, what have you accomplished? Nothing you do today can change what happened yesterday. Change your attitude as quickly as possible and smile again. Stuffed and held anger causes your stress and makes you ill.
- They’ll be back sooner or later. Whether you forgive them or not, they’re sure to pop back into your life in the future. In most cases, they’ll act as if nothing ever happened. However, your resentment will make you feel bad all over again if you’re still holding a grudge.
The sooner you forgive, the sooner you can put the matter to bed; the sooner it will stop causing you to feel anxious, angry and restless.
- All humans make mistakes. We’ve all done or said things we later regret. You can’t expect to be forgiven if you’re unwilling to forgive. Living a perfect life and making perfect choices isn’t possible. Mistakes happen — it’s called being human.
- Forgiveness may be the best form of revenge. If someone upset you, it’s possible it was intentional. While you might feel the need to strike back, forgiveness is the best policy. Show them you’re enjoying bigger and better things. Living a happy life is the best revenge!
- Your health will improve. Happiness and peacefulness undoubtedly support good health and longevity. Live a long and wonderful life. Be forgiving. The Mayo Clinic states that forgiveness can lead to:
- Healthier relationships
- Lower blood pressure
- Stronger immune system
- Improved heart health
- Higher self-esteem
br>Go ahead, gift yourself with forgiveness, so that you can live healthier.
- Forgiveness is fast. Time may heal all wounds, however it can take a long time. Forgiveness is instantaneous. There’s no faster way to enhance your mood than the simple act of forgiveness. Forgiveness is fast, effective, and free. Take advantage of it.
Clean up how you respond / react / feel about others.
Let go those heavy feelings and judgments,
so you are not using others
as an excuse to block your alignment.
Forgiveness is Self-serving.
Forgiveness is something you do for yourself, because the alternative is harmful to your health, happiness, and future. Be good to yourself. The fact that you’re letting the other person off the hook is secondary. Forgiveness is necessary. Forgetting is optional, depending on the situation.
Self Forgiveness is Mandatory
Remember, when you forgive, include yourself. Forgiveness of self for your participation in anything that others may have perceived as causing them harm is mandatory for your own peace of mind. For your health. For your very life!
Mahatma Gandhi said,
“The weak can never forgive.
Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.”
Forgiveness is for the Strong
Forgive others whether or not they request it; whether or not they apologize. Demanding or expecting an apology, as a condition of your forgiveness, is just setting yourself up for more pain.
Forgiveness requires real strength. The fastest way to heal any transgression against you is forgiveness. Remember that forgiveness doesn’t always mean that you give the other person a second chance. It means that you’re not willing to suffer any longer. It means that you no longer allow the one you perceived as having harmed you to live rent free in your mind.
The Prison Warden
I have met the prison warden.
The name is Unforgiving.
Unforgiveness builds a prison
of our own making.
Forgiveness dissolves those prison walls.
Forgive EVERYONE and EVERYTHING
and live free!
How to forgive?
Recognize there is an issue to resolve and that you have a part in creating this issue. It is an issue from YOUR perspective. It may not even be an issue from the other view point. By taking responsibility for how you choose to respond to anything or anyone, you’re aligning yourself with the beautiful dance of life. Change the way you choose to perceive the power that others have over you and you will see a bright new world of unlimited potential for yourself and you will know instantly how to forgive and let go of anything.
For me, the fastest way I have found to forgiveness is the Hawaiian Ho’oponopono Process: Please forgive me, I forgive you, I forgive me, thank you, I love you. This works very fast for me. While saying the words, I gently tap the outside edge of my hand on what is known as the Karate Chop point. This seems to speed up the clearing.
Click the link to download and print an article describing the entire Forgiveness Process. Please feel free to save to your computer and or print the PDF so that you will always have access to it when you feel the need.
Word-Crafting as Alchemy
Third article in the series.
by Sybil Watts
“There is no try. Only do, or do not.” ~ Yoda
‘Try‘ is insidious. It permeates our language, and thus our life with inertia. Have you ever noticed how the harder you try to do something, the farther away success of that task seems to move?
And yet we have all heard the old adage:
“If at first your don’t succeed, try harder.”
“Keep on trying until you succeed.”
I suggest that the reason you did not succeed in the first place is because you ‘tried’ too hard. When someone says they will try to do something, they are telling you they are not committed.
When you say you will “try” you are setting yourself up for failure – for no success.
Try is basically a state of inertia. When one tries, no matter how hard, they never accomplish what they set out to do. It is only when one stops “trying” and starts doing that they reach success.
When you are “trying” to do something, and find yourself unable to complete the project, perhaps it is time to stop trying, back up, and take another look at the project. What are you doing? What is not working? What is working? How can you do this part of the project differently so as to obtain different results. Then go forward again. If that doesn’t work, then once again, look at what didn’t work and change that. Continue to make small tweaks in your project until you finally find something that works. Do more of *that*.
Do this experiment:
Hold a pencil, or any other easily held object, lightly between you thumb and forefinger. Exert only as much pressure as it takes to keep the object suspended there in mid-air. Now, tell yourself, “Try to let it go. ” After a couple seconds say “Try harder.” Just keep telling yourself to “Try. Try harder. Try more.” As long as you “try” the object will feel like it is glued to your fingers, and your fingers feel frozen in place. No matter how hard you try, you cannot move your fingers apart to allow the object to fall.
After 10 to 20 seconds of trying (when you realize that you truly can’t let go because you are trying so hard) just take a breath and say, “Let it go.” BOOM! The object suddenly releases from your hand. This is exactly how trying works. To reach your goals, you must stop trying and start being and doing.
Personally, I have put a lot of intention into removing “try” from my vocabulary. I don’t even try on clothes any more. I put something on, if it doesn’t fit, or I don’t like it, I take it off. There is no try.>
As I said in the beginning, try is insidious – it permeates our language and keeps us from accomplishing our heart’s desire. This is a word that creates a state of inertia — the inability to do what it is we want to do or achieve. It is only when we stop trying and start being and doing that we can actually obtain success at our endeavors.
Here are some words and phrases with which to replace “try”:
attempt; work; strive; effort; go after; rethink and do it again; endeavor; have a go at; check it out; seek; consider; examine; investigate; undertake; exert yourself; experiment with.
These are all action / doing words that will get you on the track to success.
The Effort Will be Worth It!
I’m not saying that removing “try” from your daily speaking will be easy, I am saying that the effort and focused awareness to do so will be worth it.
Sybil Watts is a Life Optimization and Transformational Coach and Wordsmith. She guides people to let go of old habits and actions that no longer serve their highest good and supports them in living their optimal life. Go to the Appointments Page if you are ready to clear those old shadows that are stopping you from living the life of your dreams.
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In this, the fourth article in the Word-Crafting as Alchemy Series, I want to present to you the idea that a word we use everyday, in the process of clearing what no longer serves our highest good, is actually detrimental to clearing our blocks – that word is ‘release‘. When we want to clear old patterns, mind sets, any kind of suffering, we say “release it.” Turns out, this is not the best way to become free of what no longer serves our highest good. Nor does it set us up for permanent clearing of our suffering and sorrow.
The dictionaries tell us that release means: the act or an instance of liberating or freeing (as from restraint). However, we need to look at the two syllables separately to be fully cognizant on how our mind really understands this word.
The Cambridge English Dictionary describes the prefix “re” as: a prefix added to a verb to have the word mean “do it again”.
The word “lease” is defined as: allowing someone to use something for a long period of time, for a price, and with an end date. i.e. “long-term, yet not permanent, use of something.”
Round and Round We Go
Putting the prefix “re” (do it again) together with “lease” (long-term use of, with an end date) we create a situation of doing something over and over again. Sort of like the old fashioned paddle ball game, where you have one end of a rubber-band connected to a paddle, and a ball connected to the other end. When one hits the ball with the paddle, the ball goes out to the end of the rubber-band, then returns to the paddle. No matter how many times one hits the it, the ball always returns to the paddle until such time as the rubber band breaks – at which time the ball keeps going until it falls to the ground, or strikes an immovable object and then bounces until all the energy is gone.
Boing! Boing! Boing!
Another meaning of release, as given by dictionaries, is: relief or deliverance from sorrow, suffering, or trouble. However, when we look at the meaning of “re” and “lease” separately, instead of getting rid of our sorrows, we simply send them out away from us, where the Universe takes temporary ownership of the suffering. However, the Universe’s lease soon expires, and the trouble is returned right back to us, just like that little ball on the rubber-band. Trouble and sorrow that we thought we released and sent on its way elsewhere, just keeps returning to us expanded and amplified, time and again. Boing! Boing! Boing!
So now you are probably thinking two things:
“OH! That is why life lessons I think I learned keep coming back up!”
“Well, if releasing does not remove what no longer serves my highest good, how do I stop repeating the same old patterns?”
Glad You Asked.
Clearing what no longer serves us is actually very simple. You stop releasing and instead you clear and let go.
When working with energies, thoughts, mind-set, feelings, emotions, etc. that no longer serve your highest good, you set the intent that you are clearing, letting go and the energy is transmuted to positive and reabsorbed back to source light.
The statement I use is: “I clear and let go this energy, from my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual Being. I let this go from all Universes, time, space, dimensions, and realities. This energy that I now let go of is transmuted and reabsorbed back to source light. And so it is.”
I follow this up by running a magnet, or my two fingers -the index and 2nd finger- along the central meridian starting at my brow, up over top of head and down as far as I can reach on the back of the neck / upper spine. I do this three times while affirming the above. Rinse and repeat until all energy around this issue is cleared.
Once finished, I ask if there is anything further that I need to know or clear about this particular energy. When I get a “No,” I have the clear knowing and understanding that this particular energy will no longer trouble me. So far, anything I have cleared in this manner has not returned.
Please note, it often takes more than one round to clear all of a sorrow from all systems, especially if there is anything “ancestral” involved.
You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means.
~~ Inigo Montoya in The Princess Bride.
‘Negative’ Does Not Mean Harmful
It is time that we, as a species, stop using the word “negative” to mean bad, stuff that we don’t want in our lives, space, energy or field. Using the word “negative” to mean ‘stuff to get rid of’ dishonors the Divine Feminine in all of us, and especially Mother Earth. It is time to up-level our language.
I woke up with a start. The Voice said, “It is necessary to let go ALL of a relationship.”
Feeling a little discombobulated and sleep drugged, I said, “HUH?” What? What about letting go?”
Again I heard, “Let it all go. When people move out of a relationship, it is imperative they let go, cancel and clear all vows, agreements, contracts, commitments, etc.”
“What? Explain.” As I turned on the light and scrabbled for pen and notebook and began writing furiously.
“When two people come together into a relationship – whether it be marriage, friends, lovers or business – they make agreements, commitments, contracts, vows and expectations one to the other. When they move on from the relationship, they carry with them all those old agreements, through life, and into the next relationship. Then the next relationship of that type suffers because those old, uncleared commitments are carried forward.”
“YES I HAVE!” I declared with emphatic certainty.
A face and name immediately came to mind, and I burst into tears. I thought I had long sense forgotten that individual.
OK. I get the picture. Details. Please.
“The time has now come and all must understand. In order to leave a relationship completely, one must clear all old commitments, one at a time, so as to be clear and truly available to a new relationship or to be peace in the world and with Self. Your world NEEDS you to be peace at this time in your evolution.”
“This is everyone, not just you. When people come together into a relationship – whether that be friends, lovers, marriage or business – they each make vows, commitments, contracts, agreements, etc. one to the other, and they develop expectations, both spoken and unspoken. When that relationship ends, whatever the reason, people don’t understand the need, no, the requirement, to cancel all those agreements in order to be clear for moving on.”
For instance, traditional wedding vows state a list of items that each promise to the other and most end with some version of “. . . let no man or woman put apart what God hath joined together until death do us part.” Although many people choose to break those vows, and although many get divorced, they do not cancel the vows. So they carry those old vows into the next relationship, and expect the new love to live up to the old vows because if the vows were not canceled, they (the vows) are still LIVING in the auric field of both people. Thus people continue to end up in the same relationship over and over again, …. new face, same old story. Over and over. Round and round. Lifetime after lifetime.
Not only do people carry the baggage of old vows into all future relationships, many also unconsciously take on guilt as well. Guilt of failure of the relationship; guilt the kids won’t have the other parent around to watch them grow up; and guilt that what God joined together, *I* have broken apart. Guilt is a very heavy type of baggage to be carrying around for the rest of life.
If you are done with repeating relationship cycles, use the guidance provided below.
In addition to the marriage vows of couples, there are additional connections, spoken and unspoken, that are agreed upon between the couple, all of which must be cleared to move forward, free of past obligations..
Example 1: The husband drops children off at school because he goes to work early and school is on the way. Mom drops baby at day care and picks everyone up in the afternoon, as her work hours permit this. This is a long-standing, accepted agreement between the two. Then the two get divorced and it is Dad’s week with the kids, and he forgets to pick up after school. With Mom, they are always late, or just barely on time. Reason: These two have not let go and cleared that long standing agreement from when they were together. As they have not cleared that old agreement, neither now takes full responsibility for that which the other was previously responsible. I have noticed Life is strange that way.
Example 2: You have an agreement that one cooks and one cleans up after. When you separate, one is always wondering what is for dinner, while the other is always wondering why the dishes aren’t cleaned up after dinner.
These may seem like somewhat silly examples, and yet there are many people nodding their heads because it fits them. When you do clearings about expectations in regards to responsibilities, remember to *take* that responsibility unto your own self.
Which Agreements Need to be Cleared?
This clearing process also applies to business, friends, family — every relationship that you have ever been in, and has ended. If that relationship ends, whether through death, divorce or because there is no longer a fit, you must cancel and clear all those agreements so you can move on into future relationships with a clean slate. In case of death, some written and legal contracts may be dissolved. However, there are many other agreements that you had which are not absolved by death, such as the vows, as well as the dishes and children in the examples above. Those still have to be cleared before you can move on into a new relationship, clear of old commitments and expectations, and so that you can take full responsibility for your own life.
How to Clear Old Commitments
So? How do we clear these commitments? Many of which we are doing pretty much by rote, unconsciously?
First, get a notebook in which you can write down all these commitments that you have made to the one that you are no longer in relationship with.
If you have been married and divorced, start with the wedding vows. If you wrote your own vows, then get a copy of them, and clear each line, one at a time. If you used traditional vows from your religion, then get a copy of those statements, and again, clear each and every vow. As you work with the clearings, you may find that a whole list collapses all at once. This is good. Check with your own knowing to determine whether the entire list is cleared, or whether there is more work to do on any single vow.
If lovers with no wedding vows, you still have many commitments, one to the other, that you will drag along into the next relationship unless you cancel and clear them.
If a friend or business, start with why you no longer fit. Write down, as clearly as you can, what it was that caused the split. Start there. Clear each vow, agreement, commitment, contract, etc. as it comes up.
You may not be able to clear all at once. As more clear, more will come up to be cleared. Just be patient with yourself. The agreements were not all made in a day, and as was previously stated, some are unconscious and thus it is unlikely you can clear all connections to any relationship in a single day. Also, your physical body and subconscious and conscious mind needs time to process the clearing. I simply cannot express strongly enough the need to be patient with Self in doing this clearing work. Patience is an essential component in working with yourself.
As you think about these old agreements, step outside your physical body and have a look at it. You will probably see chords – strings of light of varying colors from white to black and the whole range in between – coming from your body. They are connecting you, via the uncleared commitments, to the one with whom you are no longer in relationship.
State that you want to be shown which cord is the one for the — (name the connection that is up for clearing now). Be precise in naming the commitment you are clearing. There may be more than one with a similar name, and yet each one carries a slightly different energy. You want to clear each one specifically so as to make sure you are clear of all commitments to this one with whom you are no longer in relationship. It is important that you make your clearing statements in the positive sense.
Clearing example 1:
If you feel wronged in the relationship and the parting was not your first choice, your clearing words could go along the lines of:
I love you. Loved you with all my heart. You have chosen to part and for that I feel very sad. I forgive you so that I may gain peace. I can no longer carry this vow of ___ and I now let go and clear my vow to you, and I now set you free of your vow to me. We are both free of this vow of ___, one to the other, now and forever more. This connection is hereby severed. Permanently – through all dimensions, time lines, realities and universes. I declare it so, and so it is.
Clearing example 2:
If you were the one who initiated the parting, then you may wish to clear with words along this line:
I loved you when we met, and now I don’t love you in that way anymore. I apologize for all pain I may have caused you. I hope someday, for your sake, you can forgive me. As we are no longer in relationship, I hereby choose to clear the vow of ___. I clear and let go my vow to you, and I now set you free of your vow to me. We are both free of this vow, one to the other, now and forever more. This connection is hereby severed. Permanently. Through all dimensions, time lines, realities and universes. I declare it so, and so it is.
Clearing example 3 (using the previous example of children:
In the case of death, and using the example of responsibilities above, you may use a statement such as:
We had this agreement (name the agreement) when you were here, now that you are gone, not of your own doing, I now clear you of all responsibility for dropping the children off at school From this day forward, I take full responsibility for getting the children to school on time, and for making sure they are picked up at the end of the day. You are cleared of this responsibility from this day forward, now and forever. I declare that I am now fully responsible for the children. For picking up. Dropping off. And everything associated with them, from now until they are old enough to be self-responsible. I declare it and it is so.
NOTE: If the parting is due to circumstances other than death, you would use the same type of words about taking responsibility for dropping off and picking up the children, just leave out the phrase ‘not of your own choosing’.
Whether you feel the wronged party, or the initiator of the split, it is important you do this for each line of your wedding vows. And for every agreement that you had, above and beyond the vows. By stating that you are both cleared of a connection, you are being kind and clearing BOTH of you of this unwanted connection. Some may find, once the old unwanted connections are cleared, that the other contacts you, and after many years of being upset with each other, you suddenly realize that you can at least be civil, if not actually friendly, toward each other. Some will find when the other was harassing about something, they suddenly stop and just fade away.
As you are clearing connections, use the word that comes up to describe the type of connection. Vow. Commitment. Agreement. Contract. Expectation. Etc. Let go and clear each one of these connections, as they come to consciousness.
What I did in working through my own commitments, was that I gently took hold of the associated cord, and gave it a gentle tug. This tells that cord it is time to let go. As I began the clearing statement, I felt the cord loosen, and as I made the final declaration, the cord came fully out, and as I let it go, I had the clear intention that this energy went into the vortex, where it was discharged (the charge taken off it) transmuted and reabsorbed back to source Light as positive energy. I saw the cord curl up, swirl around, burst into white light and disappear from view. This was the same with every connection I cleared.
You can use EFT tapping, chakra balancing, cord cutting, Reiki, Body Code, BioEnergetic Clearing, or whatever other system works for you. However, I have found that the simple statements of intent as provided above was quite sufficient for clearing all those old commitments.
How do you know they are gone? When you think about that connection to that specific person, you will no longer feel any kind of charge to it. i.e. You won’t feel anger, frustration or anything else. Your feelings toward what used to be upsetting will now be neutral. You will also not see that cord. Check with the system that you use to get validation for any questions you may have. Personally, I use a pendulum to confirm the connections are cleared. If you have been married multiple times, you will need to clear each vow and commitment to each individual. I understand for some of you, this endeavor may be quite time consuming. Do it you must, if peace you will obtain.
NOTE: My previous clearings was for the person with whom I no longer wanted to be in relationship. Sure, I cleared that one out of my mind, to such an extent that I could no longer remember the name. However, as I did not clear the vows and commitments to ANY of them, they were all still hanging around in my field. DARN! No wonder I felt so heavy all the time! So, now I’m working on clearing the vows and commitments, too. My life is feeling much lighter every day.
Until Death Do Us Part.Someone asked about the “until death do us part” statement of the wedding vows. Like everyone else, I just presumed that if one of the partners died, the vows were automatically canceled. That is what the statement seems to mean, right? So, I asked.
The response was: “There is no death. The ‘until death do us part’ is a man-made construct. Made with good intention, and yet it still has devastating, long-term effect on the one left behind.”
OH! SHEESH! I knew that – no death. That puts a whole new light on relationships that end in one of the partners transitioning from the physical reality. The one left behind will want to clear those old vows before going into relationship with a new partner.
If your partner has transitioned from this physical life, go ahead and cancel the vows. See how much less pain you feel when you think about them. Canceling the vows does not mean you don’t miss them, nor that you don’t love them and won’t think about them any more. It means that you are clear of the bonds and can get on with living, instead of dying with them.
Do I need to see or tell the person
At no point in any of this clearing work do you need to be face to face with an individual to affect a healing / clearing, nor do you need to tell them. You are doing this alone, in a group or with a coach, rarely with the Other present in your immediate space. So the fact that someone has transitioned out of physical reality doesn’t stop you from clearing all the residual energy of that relationship.
Sometimes, it is difficult for us to do these clearings on our own. If you feel it would be beneficial to work with a coach for more complete clearing, please contact me to set up a session: firstname.lastname@example.org
Practitioners: As you work with clients, please feel free to adapt this information to your own practice. It is for all of us to use this information in our daily work to help our clients become completely clear of all old connections, so that we may all move back to peace and live fully in the Present Now Moment.