Closure to Past Relationships

I woke up with a start. The Voice said,

It is necessary to let go ALL of a relationship.”

Feeling a little discombobulated and sleep drugged, I said, “HUH?” What? What about letting go?”

Again I heard,

Let it all go. When people move out of a relationship, it is imperative they let go, cancel and clear all vows, agreements, contracts, commitments, etc.

“What? Explain.” As I turned on the light and scrabbled for pen and notebook and began writing furiously.

When two people come together into a relationship – whether it be marriage, friends, lovers or business – they make agreements, commitments, contracts, vows and expectations one to the other. When they move on from the relationship, they carry with them all those old agreements, through life, and into the next relationship. Then the next relationship of that type suffers because those old, uncleared commitments are carried forward.”

UntilYouHealTheWoundsStill half asleep, and thinking this information is directed at me personally, I responded, “But I have cleared all connection to all previous relationships.”

Have you?”

“YES I HAVE!” I declared with emphatic certainty.

A face and name immediately came to mind, and I burst into tears. I thought I had long sense forgotten that individual.

“Point.”

OK. I get the picture. Details. Please.

The time has now come and all must understand. In order to leave a relationship completely, one must clear all old commitments, one at a time, so as to be clear and truly available to a new relationship or to be peace in the world and with Self. Your world NEEDS you to be peace at this time in your evolution.

This is everyone, not just the Sybil. When people come together into a relationship – whether that be friends, lovers, marriage or business – they each make vows, commitments, contracts, agreements, etc. one to the other, and they develop expectations, both spoken and unspoken. When that relationship ends, whatever the reason, people don’t understand the need, no, the requirement, to cancel all those past agreements in order to be clear and truly free to move into a new relationship.

For instance, traditional wedding vows state a list of items that each promise to the other and most end with some version of
“. . . let no man or woman put apart what God hath joined together, until death do us part.”
Although many people choose to break those vows, and although many get divorced, they do not cancel the vows. Divorce only cancels the man-made legal agreements, not the spiritual agreements that were made at the same time. As the spiritual agreements are not cancelled, people carry those old vows into the next relationship, and expect the new love to live up to the old vows because if the vows were not canceled, they (the vows) are still LIVING in the auric field of both people. Thus people continue to end up in the same relationship over and over again, …. new face, same old story. Over and over. Round and round. Lifetime after lifetime.

WOW! No wander we all feel so heavy and out of sorts. Why happiness is so elusive for so many of us. Who knew we were still carrying the energy of that first broken heart, or school yard bully with us 40, 50 or even 60 years later?!?

Not only do people carry the baggage of old, uncancelled, vows into all future relationships, many also unconsciously take on guilt as well. Guilt of failure of the relationship; guilt the kids won’t have the other parent around to watch them grow up; and guilt that what God joined together, *I* have broken apart.

Guilt is a very heavy type of baggage to be carrying around for the rest of life. Or even eternity. Guilt not cleared in this lifetime, will show up next time around. Clear it now, and be done with it.

If You Are Just “Done” With Repeating Relationship Cycles, Use the Guidance Provided Below.

In addition to the marriage vows of couples, there are additional connections, spoken and unspoken, that are agreed upon between the couple, all of which must be cleared to move forward, free of past obligations..

Example 1: The husband drops children off at school because he goes to work early and school is on the way. Mom drops baby at day care and picks everyone up in the afternoon, as her work hours permit this. This is a long-standing, accepted agreement between the two. Then the two get divorced and it is Dad’s week with the kids, and he forgets to pick up after school. With Mom, they are always late, or just barely on time.
Reason: These two have not let go and cleared that long standing agreement from when they were together. As they have not cleared that old agreement, neither now takes full responsibility for that which the other was previously responsible. I have noticed Life is strange that way.

Example 2: You have an agreement that one cooks and one cleans up after. When you separate, one is always wondering what is for dinner, while the other is always wondering why the dishes aren’t cleaned up after dinner.

These may seem like somewhat silly examples, and yet there are many people nodding their heads because it fits them. When you do clearings about expectations in regards to responsibilities, remember to *take* that responsibility unto your own self.

Which Agreements Need to be Cleared?

This clearing process also applies to business, friends, family — every relationship that you have ever been in, and has ended. If that relationship ends, whether through death, divorce or because there is no longer a fit, you must cancel and clear all those agreements so you can move on into future relationships with a clean slate. In case of death, some written and legal contracts may be dissolved. However, there are many other agreements that you had which are not absolved by death, such as the wedding vows, as well as the dishes and children in the examples above. Those still have to be cleared before the one left behind can move on into a new relationship, clear of old commitments and expectations, and so that you can take full responsibility for your own life.

How to Clear Old Commitments

So? How do we clear these commitments? Many of which we are doing pretty much by rote, unconsciously?

First, get a notebook in which you can write down all these commitments that you have made to the one that you are no longer in relationship with.

If you have been married and divorced, start with the wedding vows. If you wrote your own vows, then get a copy of them, and clear each line, one at a time. If you used traditional vows from your religion, then get a copy of those statements, and again, clear each and every vow. As you work with the clearings, you may find that a whole list collapses all at once. This is good. Check with your own knowing to determine whether the entire list is cleared, or whether there is more work to do on any single vow.

If lovers with no wedding vows, you still have many commitments, one to the other, that you will drag along into the next relationship unless you cancel and clear them.

I lived with someone for 20 years. We had joint checking accounts, filed joint taxes, etc. Even though we said no formal vows, nor signed a marriage license, we still had agreements with each other that had to be cleared when we split up.

If a friend or business, start with why you no longer fit. Write down, as clearly as you can, what it was that caused the split. Start there. Clear each vow, agreement, commitment, contract, etc. as it comes up.

You may not be able to clear all at once. As more clear, more will come up to be cleared. Just be patient with yourself. The agreements were not all made in a day, and as was previously stated, some are unconscious and thus it is unlikely you can clear all connections to any relationship in a single day. Also, your physical body and subconscious and conscious mind needs time to process the clearing. I simply cannot express strongly enough the need to be patient with Self in doing this clearing work. Patience is an essential component in working with your self.

As you think about these old agreements, step outside your physical body and have a look at it. You will probably see chords – strings of light of varying colors from white to black and the whole range in between – coming from your body. They are connecting you, via the uncleared commitments, to the one with whom you are no longer in relationship.

To clear:
State that you want to be shown which cord is the one for the — (name the connection that is up for clearing now). Be precise in naming the commitment you are clearing. There may be more than one with a similar name, and yet each one carries a slightly different energy. You want to clear each one specifically so as to make sure you are clear of all commitments to this one with whom you are no longer in relationship. It is important that you make your clearing statements in the positive sense.

Clearing example 1:

If you feel wronged in the relationship and the parting was not your first choice, your clearing words could go along the lines of:
I love you. I Loved you with all my heart. You have chosen to part and for that I feel very sad. I forgive you so that I may gain peace. I can no longer carry this vow of ___ and I now let go and clear my vow to you, and I now set you free of your vow to me. We are both free of this vow of ___, one to the other, now and forever more. I send all your energy back to you, and I pull all my energy back to me through the Time / Space Continuum, fully educated with all the love, knowledge and wisdom that I have gained through all lifetimes, dimensions, universities and realities. This connection is hereby severed. Permanently – through all dimensions, time lines, realities and universes. I declare it so, and so it is.
Note: Bringing your energy home through the Time / Space Continuum and declaring it is fully educated helps the energy that was “left behind” to catch up to your current level of evolution, thus you can skip repeating life lessons!

Clearing example 2:

If you were the one who initiated the parting, then you may wish to clear with words along this line:
I loved you when we met, and now I don’t love you in that way anymore. I apologize for all pain I may have caused you. I hope someday, for your sake, you can forgive me. I forgive you. I forgive my self. As we are no longer in relationship, I hereby choose to clear the vow of ___. I clear and let go my vow to you, and I now set you free of your vow to me. We are both free of this vow, one to the other, now and forever more. I send all your energy back to you, and I pull all my energy back to me. This connection is hereby severed. Permanently. Through all dimensions, time lines, realities and universes. I declare it so, and so it is.

Clearing example 3 (using the previous example of children:

In the case of death, and using the example of responsibilities above, you may use a statement such as:
“We had this agreement (name the agreement) when you were here, now that you are gone, not of your own doing, I now clear you of all responsibility for dropping the children off at school. From this day forward, I take full responsibility for getting the children to school on time, and for making sure they are picked up at the end of the day. You are cleared of this responsibility from this day forward, now and forever. I declare that I am now fully responsible for the children. For picking up. Dropping off. And everything associated with them, from now until they are old enough to be self-responsible. I declare it and it is so.”

Reintegration

Once you have gathered all your energy from other, and brought it home through the TSC, then you will want to reintegrate it into your wholeness.
Bring it in through the back of your heart chakra, and do a “running energy” exercise. Send the energy down the spine (back channel) down to the perineum, around and up the front channel back to the heart. Fill your heart up with your own beautiful energy. Once your heart feels full, then send the energy up over the crown and down the back again. Run the circuit 3 times.

On the 4th time down the back, and around to the front, stop and the hips, split the energy and run it down the legs to the soul star. Leave it running. From the hips, run the energy up to the heart. Fill it up. Feeling all the love for you. Fill yourself up with your energy and love.
Take the energy up to the shoulders and split the energy and send it down each arm to the hands. Turn your hands up and open in the receiving position. Fell the chakras in the middle of the palm open. Flow the energy into the hands, up through the chakras up and over your aura. Filling your entire field with your own energy.

Once you feel all filled up, bring your hands up over your heart and reconnect to your heart mind.

Say I love you. I’m so sorry I left you behind. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. Welcome home. Welcome Home. Feel the love and the welcome. When you feel all filled up with you, and a sense of calm, you can return to this present NOW moment.

If you asked Observer to step outside to help with the cord removal, be certain to reintegrate her back into your wholeness.

NOTE: If the parting is due to circumstances other than death, you would use the same type of words about taking responsibility for dropping off and picking up the children, just leave out the phrase ‘not of your own choosing’.

Whether you feel the wronged party, or the initiator of the split, it is important you do this for each line of your wedding vows. And for every agreement that you had, above and beyond the vows. By stating that you are both cleared of a connection, you are being kind and clearing BOTH of you of this unwanted connection. Some may find, once the old unwanted connections are cleared, that the other contacts you, and after many years of being upset with each other, you suddenly realize that you can at least be civil, if not actually friendly, toward each other. Some will find when the other was harassing about something, they suddenly stop and just fade away.

As you are clearing connections, use the word that comes up to describe the type of connection. Vow. Commitment. Agreement. Contract. Expectation. Etc. Let go and clear each one of these connections, as they come to consciousness.

What I did in working through my own commitments, was that I gently took hold of the associated cord, and gave it a gentle tug. This tells that cord it is time to let go. As I began the clearing statement, I felt the cord loosen, and as I made the final declaration, the cord came fully out, and as I let it go, I had the clear intention that this energy went into the vortex, where it was discharged (the charge taken off it) transmuted and reabsorbed back to source Light as positive energy. I saw the cord curl up, swirl around, burst into white light and disappear from view. This was the same with every connection I cleared.

You can use EFT tapping, chakra balancing, cord *removal, Reiki, Body Code, BioEnergetic Clearing, or whatever other system works for you. However, I have found that the simple statements of intent as provided above was quite sufficient for clearing all those old commitments.

How Do You Know They Are Gone?

When you think about that connection to that specific person, you will no longer feel any kind of charge to it. i.e. You won’t feel anger, frustration or anything else. Your feelings toward what used to be upsetting will now be neutral. You will also not see that cord. Check with the system that you use to get validation for any questions you may have. Personally, I use a pendulum to confirm the connections are cleared. I’ve used the pendulum, so I just expect that the answer I get is correct, for me.

If you have been married multiple times, you will need to clear each vow and commitment to each individual. I understand for some of you, this endeavor may be quite time consuming. 😉 Do it you must, if peace you will obtain.

NOTE: My previous clearings was for the persons with whom I no longer wanted to be in relationship. Sure, I cleared that one out of my mind, to such an extent that I could no longer remember the name. However, as I did not clear the vows and commitments to ANY of them, they were all still hanging around in my field. DARN! No wonder I felt so heavy all the time! So, now I’m working on clearing the vows and commitments, too. My life is feeling much lighter every day.

Until Death Do Us Part.

Someone asked about the “until death do us part” statement of the wedding vows. Like everyone else, I just presumed that if one of the partners died, the vows were automatically canceled. That is what the statement seems to mean, right? So, I asked.

The response was: “There is no death. The ‘until death do us part’ is a man-made construct. Made with good intention, and yet it still has devastating, long-term effect on the one left behind.”

OH! SHEESH! I knew that – no death. That puts a whole new light on relationships that end in one of the partners transitioning from the physical reality. The one left behind will want to clear those old vows before going into relationship with a new partner.

If your partner has transitioned from this physical life, go ahead and cancel the vows. See how much less pain you feel when you think about them. Canceling the vows does not mean you don’t miss them, nor that you don’t love them and won’t think about them any more. It means that you are clear of the bonds and can get on with living, instead of dying with them.

Do I Need to See or Tell the Person?

Short answer – “NO!”

This work is for YOUR own healing and peace of mind. At no point in any of this clearing work do you need to be physically face to face with an individual to affect a healing / clearing, nor do you need to tell them. You are doing this alone, in a group or with a coach, rarely with the Other present in your immediate space. So the fact that someone has transitioned out of physical reality doesn’t stop you from clearing all the residual energy of that relationship.

After the Clearing

After you have cleared all the energy that you no longer wish to carry in your space, you will want to fill yourself up with your own energy. All that you could not be, do, or have due to being filled up with all that baggage.

  • True, unconditional love.
  • Loving, supporting relationships.
  • Vibrant health and well-being.
  • Anything else that felt missing from you life.

This is an important last step after each clearing session. Nature won’t stand for a void. If you don’t fill that space with what you desire, Nature will automatically fill it back up with weeds!

Clearing and letting go of all the “left behind baggage” is how you move into a state of internal peace and happiness. It is how you, once and for all, bring full and complete closure to all those past relationships that keep on interfering with your present and future happiness.
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Originally published in November 2017. Updated with new information and republished October 2020.
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Sometimes, it is difficult for us to do these clearings on our own. If you feel it would be beneficial to work with a coach for more complete clearing, please contact me to set up a session: sybil@bioenergeticcoaching.com
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Practitioners: As you work with clients, please feel free to adapt this information to your own practice. It is for all of us to use this information in our daily work to help our clients become completely clear of all old connections, so that we may all move back to peace and live fully in the Present Now Moment.

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